Feelings, meanings, words that count

A sign (2) 14/06/2010

Our arrival

I see new faces, I hear different voices and when I looked around me I noticed a different rhythm of a melody. This country was so unlike ours it was like moving on a different planet, it was exactly the opposite , like the river changed its flow in a different direction.

November here felt like winter ! But not just any winter, it was freezing outside. The hard blistering cold felt like needles on my skin. Even the skin on my face was dry and rough because of that cold. The language they spoke in wasn`t familiar to me. A lot like Chinese ! It was like  starring at a person who`s mouth was moving but not understanding the words that are coming out of its mouth.

Part of the deal in immigrating in Canada was for someone to wait for us in the airport so we could be guided in a hotel  . But what do you think happened ? We were left all alone in the airport , the five of us not knowing for sure our next step . Luckily for us someone was willing to help us, a woman. Unfortunately the image of that woman has been erased from my memory, all I can remember is that she was a small woman, blond and possibly has the age of my parents.  I now wish I thanked her for the kind help she gave us but like I said, back then I wasn`t aware of what was happening. She drove the five of us to a hotel and helped us get rooms. I was very grateful to finally have the possibility to rest and eat.

Millions of questions and thoughts raced into my mind as I was trying to fall asleep. “ How is it going to be tomorrow ? , How will school be like here ? , Am I going to like it here ?…” .

A sign 06/06/2010

On my way to a new world !

Everyone was rushing up and down the stairs until none of the luggage was in the apartment. It was the last day I was ever going to see Romania. I was to little to realize what leaving a country meant. Although I was very excited and frightened at the same time. The thought of seeing something new was amazing but knowing that by getting there with an airplane terrified me .

The rain was pouring down fast as we were saying goodbye to our home. November 4^th 2004 is a day i`ll never forget. The only thing on my mind by that time was how I’m going to be a famous artist. By that time piano meant the whole world to me .

As our close family friend , my mom , sister and I were in the car behind the taxi where my dad and brother were, the car in front of us suddenly stopped and so did we. I remember seeing my dad rushing desperately to us and the look on his face was what frightened us all.

“ We forgot the luggage where our money and passports are !” he said in a shouting voice. He then rushed back and we all were on our way to where we left.

For about 10 minutes there was silence in the car. The kind of silence that stresses you even more.  “ What are we going to do if that luggage is gone ?” said Andreea my sister in a quiet voice . “well then we are doomed “ said my mom with a worried look on her face.

“ I`m sure it`s still going to be there….” Said Martin, our close family friend.

I was still as a corpse  thinking weather  are we going to be ok or not. You sort of get the feeling that leaving the country was never meant to be . “It`s still there !” I heard a voice saying , not knowing who it was .

We all sighed with relief when we saw that the small black luggage was on the bench outside our building….

OUR STORY 17/05/2010

OUR STORY

So many things I can describe in little time, but this story is so  complicated that I can`t find the proper words that could describe it. OUR STORY ..

Our story feels almost like a fairytale that never ends and that never begins .

Which one is it ? has it already begun ? or is it coming to an end ?

I`ve never felt this before , it is as if i`m in love with someone invisible . Someone I can`t hear , touch or see ..

And so what are my options ? what can I do to stop being disappointed ?

Should I just forget about you and move on ? or keep going …

I deeply need your help to wake me up from this nightmare that never ends.

I need you to understand me .

I need you to give me time.

I need you to forgive me and tell me everything is going to be ok .

I need you to start over this .

I NEED YOU for sooo many things that only you could solve them .if only you knew..

My heart has been wounded because of you . You`ve left on my heart a scar , a wound that won`t heal .

Your words have  made me suffer and they still do . But I forgave you and started on a fresh new page of our story . But you`re selfish because you can`t forgive me , my mistakes compared to yours mean nothing . But if you truly care about me ..you would talk to me. And even if you don`t care.. a proper goodbye would be enough from you .

LOVE. LAUGH. LIVE ! (part 3) 10/04/2010

LIVE.

When I say live , I don`t mean ..just breathe , eat and drink. I mean enjoy life as much as possible , each year counts! I already think about how life is pretty short . Every second , every minute , every hour brings us closer to dying. Time flies fast and I don`t want to wake up one day and realize that I haven`t done anything to remember forever yet . The list of things to do  is longer each day, and I hope I can accomplish every single one of them. This is my time , when I can be a full teenager with no big responsibilities what so ever . Once i`m an adult , I have to think of a job , of marriage , kids and so on . No time for fun anymore ! And so it is why I advise everyone to cherish every moment of their childhood…

Second of all…    Live in the present ! Some of us can`t get over someone special in the past( or they can`t get over something that happened) …and so they decide to live in the past. I too , still live in the past…I think about the beautiful days when everything made sense ..I don`t know why and  I don`t know how but life for me gets harder and harder each day . I can`t figure out if something is wrong with me or is it just bad luck ?  I feel lost, I feel as if i`m not where i`m supposed to be . As if I don`t belong here ..

Every day I try very hard to forget about the past, forget the place where I lived for a while  …so I can stop hurting everyone around me . I need to wake up and try to fit in better .  I want my past to feel as if it was only a dream. Nobody fully understands me , nobody understands why I care about my past so much , nobody understand why I talk about it so much , why I still dream of things that are almost impossible to accomplish …my dreams were crushed and I don`t know what to dream about anymore. I am aware that time goes by me and I still think of the past . I need something to happen or someone to help me go on …

LOVE. LAUGH. LIVE ! (part 2) 31/03/2010

LAUGH.

I think I know what you`re thinking , laugh ? What kind of subject is that ? What on earth can she write about laughing ?It`s just a simple emotion ! …WRONG , laughing is very important in our lives and so it is why I choosed to write about it. I noticed nobody ever wrote about it as if it`s nothing important! Or maybe people don`t consider this subject as interesting …but I anyways tried to give a definition of my own about laughing .

Laugh is the emotion that makes us happy , that makes us feel better! Laughing is something magical …that makes us forget everything bad that had happen in the past , it`s something that makes us live more. At least this is how I feel when I laugh . But think about it sometimes , how do you feel when you laugh ? I doubt you feel sad , angry or any other negative feelings. What would we do without laughter ? without a reason to laugh ? or at least without smiling a bit ? We would all be a bunch of robots! We would all have a serious look on our face…

A lot like this face K! But the worst thing that would be if we don`t  ever laugh/smile is that WE WOULD BE DEPRESSED ! Depression is an illness that affects our health .. Some people even commit suicide when they are depressed , when they think they don`t have a reason anymore to live for ! In my opinion those people made a huge mistake …no matter what happens , life goes on . I know  it`s probably hard to move on …but I’m sure that if they try a little harder they will succeed to forget . A little advise from me to all of you is that whenever you see a person unhappy …help that person ! How ? Try to talk with that person until they tell you what`s wrong and maybe you might be useful .I may be only 15/16 years old , but I too was unhappy several times and I know everyone is time to time , I am grateful for the friends I have ,who helped me every time when I need them most .

Smile with joy,

When everything seems lost

Smile ,

When all else fails.

Smile and you will see that

You will succeed !

LOVE. LAUGH. LIVE ! 24/03/2010

These are the three words that count most in life. I decided to take each one of these words and explain them MY way . I`m sure everyone has their own opinion and each one of us out there thinks differently . Some of you might not agree with my point of view ….but here goes.

LOVE…

What is love ? what does it mean ? what does it feel like to be in love ? when do you actually know for sure that you`re in love ?

Love means passion, means feelings for someone you care …someone you would sacrifice your life just to be with that one person .  THAT ONE PRINCE CHARMING. Out there is a big world…and so you have to be careful and choose the person that was meant for you .Most teenagers think that just because their boyfriend/girlfriend said I love you ,that they meant it . But these days teenager boys don`t actually say it from the heart , they only say it so they can obtain the girl and show off to others . And each one of them debates on who`s girlfriend is hotter !  So immature…

But girls unfortunately fell for all the crap that comes from the one guy they liked. We are all way to naïve..

As  in for me …well I now  can tell when someone cares about me truly  . And so nobody can fool me ..NOBODY! But at this young age I don`t expect a guy to truly love me for me . Who knows, maybe someone does but I just don`t know it yet . I just have to be patient and wait for him to come. One thing that truly annoys me is that most of you think that it`s impossible to feel love when you`re a teenager ..BUT THOSE PEOPLE ARE WRONG !  Love isn`t something you can control IT JUST HAPPENS ! It can happen when you`re 6,10,14,16…ALL AGES ! IT DOESN`T MATTER ! There isn`t a rule or a law to follow ! So for all of you people out there that think that love happens at a certain age start asking yourself about what I said !!

… Does she have a point ?